Past Death Do We Spam

What's a guy gotta do to stop getting junk mail? Well it appears dying aint quite enough. My Mother-in-law recieved this in the mail the other day.



Make sure you don't bring the pesky kids but Zombies or Cremation Urns are required. The invitation expires in 2 weeks. I guess it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've expired. So exhume the Ex and come on down.

Not sure which is creepier, that they would send this out or that the post office would deliver it.

Simply Christmas

The Santa Fire Truck is a yearly tradition. They throw candy and Santa takes the kid's Christmas lists.



This is my Moms Christmas Village. We go to their house every Christmas Eve and exchange gifts.



One of our cats amongst what was the explosion known as Christmas Morn. Not sure what it is but theres something about this cat I dont trust.



We havent had a white Christmas in 63 years here. This pic is the day after Christmas. It started on Christmas Day about 5 PM but I still dont consider it a White Christmas. It is quite lovely tho. I had to have college girl at work at 6 am. Yawwwwwnn.



Little A and the dog enjoying the snow.



The older girls playing Just Dance 2 on Wii. If they find out I posted this they will gut me like a fish.

Have a Simply Suthern Christmas

I want to say Merry Christmas to all those who have made my first year Blogging so enjoyable. Thank you for you for allowing me to follow you and for returning the luv thru comments.

Our Tree





My Christmas Wish is for God to Bless you and your families.
Merry Christmas to All

Happy Something or Other, As You Choose

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted Gregorian calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message.

The Sun Sets On This Job

Here is the Plant I worked at. It was a pretty nice place in the middle of nowhere;



It is in the Harquahala Valley just outside Phoenix, AZ surrounded by mountains. It is the driest place I have ever been. Still it has a raw rugged beauty. Wish I more room to post more pics but I liked these.





This is Saddleback Mountain, Not to be confused with Brokeback mountain.



I took a lot of pictures of cacti. Aint that how you spell it? I was surprised that most of them looked pretty rough. They seem to like growing on hillsides. This one seemed a bit shy.



And so the Sun Sets on this job with bittersweet feelings.

I Got A Sweet Suite

This is going to be short on words as we depart at 5:50 in the morn.

The sandblasters didnt have the site ready so I couldnt set up to pull samples.

I sat in the hotel room today and worked on my latest project. It is coming along nicely, I think. See.




I didnt get out today except for lunch so I dont have many pics but I did get some room pics and an AZ sunrise. I caught it just as it peaked over the mountain. Then I realized that everyone on the busy street below could see me in the window. OOPS!




My suite is great. It is prolly the nicest I have ever had except I am all alone in it.

There's A Reason They Don't Call Me Smooth

Well, Actually there are several. And that was before todays fiasco.

The day started good. I got up, Showered and shaved. I left home for the airport on time. Caught the right shuttle. Checked in and moved right thru security with nary a glitch. All things good pretty much ended there.

I waited till a few minutes to loading to go to the restroom. As I am heading in I hear, " Sir, Sir!!" I turn around. Sir Thats the ladies room. I look up. I had turned in about 2 feet too quick.

I get on the plane. I wanted an aisle seat but I can live with a window seat. Two things didnt work well with this. This was a 4hr and something flight and the very nice lady on the aisle just had knee replacemant and barely got in the seat. Soooo, My teeth were floating on arrival. I did find the correct gender bathroom first shot this time.

I had found and scheduled a shuttle to pick me up. I had a minimal wait but as I was getting in the van the dude slammed the door on my foot. It aint broke but it still hurts.

The shuttle dropped me off at the hotel and left. I walked in to a truly nice receptionist and it was actually her face on the Hotel website. Things is lookin up. Reservations for Simply Suthern? Uh, Crickets. None here. I called the advanced crew. Oh we forgot to tell you we changed. SWEEEEEET, Thanks guys. Well, Like I said the receptionist was really nice and called the other hotel and the manager came and got me in his pickup.

When I got the the correct hotel they declined my card. What?? Seems I ran out of credit. Well I fixed that, Kinda.

I aint ate since 7 AM and on my watch it was 5 PM so I thought Hey. Since I have no wheels I will run across 8 lanes of traffic to the "In N Out Burger. I found out after ordering that they dont take my card. OK so I pay with my other. Dining in? Yep. Well here is your ticket. Your order number is 13. Great. Well I aint real superstitious but the way the day has gone I was a bit nervous to play Frogger back across those eigth lanes. But I survived.

So that is my day. Tomorrow, if I wake up and they want me on site I will be climbing on scaffolding in my harness. I hope today is done and over.

Sweet Dreams Y'all

Go West Young Man

It's cold here. Not in the single digits but still it is rather uncomfortable for southerners.

So what do you do?




You answer the phone. Hello, Do you have the time to bring your scooper out to Phoenix to pull some samples? How fast do you need me?? Can you be here Thursday? Oh!! heck yea!!

So it's time for another trip. I get to fly this time. I am a bit excited. This will be as far west as I have ever been. Mid 70's during the day will be quite a treat compared to the highs in the mid 40's on my last trip. I will be on call the first day so I will be working in the hotel room. I might just set up out by the pool. It's a dry heat right?

I will be a few miles outside Phoenix. They usually dont stick power plants real close to town. This is the first trip I have been on where I dont get my own car. I will have to catch a cab for the first time in my life. I know, deprived huh? LOL

I have a question. How much for a 20 mile trip? Do you tip the driver? I dont typically tip the pilot.

So hopefully I will have something to write about from the trip. Hopefully it wont be about me getting groped by the TSA.




I heard this last week "The TSA pat down is so thorough that the American Medical Association has determined that you only need one every 5 years".

What Flicks Your Bic??

The Thanksgiving Meal didnt do it.

Getting the tree set up didnt do it either.

Shopping on Saturday after Thanksgiving wasnt even close.

Then Wednesday afternoon it hit me. It's Christmas time. What was the thing that set off the Christmas in me? I bit into a yogurt covered pretzel and the flavor rang them old jingle bells in my brain. It was kinda odd how it happened. Then this morning it was reinforced when I heard Alabama sing "Christmas In Dixie". When I got to work I fired up Porky Pig's " Blue Christmas". If you've never heard it, it is worth your while. LOL

What's the things that suddenly says it is Christmas time to you??

The Turkeys Gone, Here Comes The Trees

Well, all in all, things turned out pretty good. All six of us sat down together and had an early Thanksgiving lunch. 30 minutes later Big A was out the door to head to work. 10 minutes after that the boy was gone to the girlfriends family get together.

After a turkey induced nap we headed over to my parents for a little visit and to see my grandmother.

I stayed home with the little one Friday while the wife and two oldest girls headed out for the sales. I could feel my wallet shrink as I sat in my office and worked on some drawings.

I went out today to pick up a few presents. The stores really wernt that bad. Tonite we finished the leftovers. Thank goodness. I like turkey but one can only stand so much. We pulled the trees down from the attic and set them up. I spose tomorrow after lunch we will decorate them. That aint my favorite thing but they are nice when they are done. I am a bit envious of some of the neighbors with the gumption to leave their lights set up all year. Maybe I should invent prelit guttering.

I hope all y'all had Wonderful Thanksgivings. I look forward to reading about them.

Full House

It has been a while but tonite it will happen. College girl was spose to show up today but decided to surprise us by showing up at midnite last nite. She hugged the cats first.

Big A is getting off from the hospital tonite at 11 and is spending the nite with us so she can help with Thanksgiving lunch.

The son is driving up to WV to pick up his girlfriends cousin and will be back this evening.

It will seem odd to have them all under the same roof at the same time. Little A will be all excited this morn to see the college girl.

Let the Thankfulness and eating begin.

Hope all you guys have a wonderful THANKSGIVING!!!

She Moved Now I Can’t

My daughter moved yesterday. Again. I’ve moved like 5 times in my life including as a kid. She’s moved 6 or so times in the past 6 years. I rolled out of bed in pain this morn my knees ,back, and fingers hurt. Heck I hurt all over. My only relief? She has a 1 year lease. At least that is what her roommate offered up for consolation. At my age one year aint that long.

I should have known something was awry when they showed up with a 26 foot truck. We loaded my daughters stuff up in about 30 mins. It took up about 4 foot of space. She didn’t mention we were swinging by roomies old place to get her stuff too. OH my goodness, the girl has got stuff. We pretty much filled the rest of the truck. BTW, Roomy weren’t feeling good so she didn’t do much aside from deal with the cable guy.

I wanna take a moment here to ask. Can girls not live on the bottom floor? They both lived on the second floor. Well that aint so bad coming down. Let do the math. 2nd floor plus 2nd floor must mean we gotta move to the 4th floor. Are you kidding me?

I am so stupid. When she asked if the wife and I could help her move we couldn’t come up with a good excuse. Then the little one came down with flu like symptoms Friday and the wife volunteered to stay at home with her. Her friends that were coming to help with the moved called to say they would be late because they had to take their dog to vet to get its anal gland squeezed. What?? I gotta get me a new excuse book.

Sticks And Stones

We battled ants this year. They came in the front door. I sprayed so they came in the back door. I sprayed again. They came in the upstairs hall bath. I sprayed so they moved to the master bath. I sprayed again. I decided to take the battle to them. I sprayed the perimeter of the house and the yard and the woods. According to the experts it was because it was extra wet this spring. Then it got dry and according to the experts they were coming in to get water.

EXPERT, Lets break it down. Pronounced: Ex – Spurt, EX Means Has been, Spurt is a big drip under pressure.

Well back to the other pests, the ants. When they came into the bedroom the wife went to Lowes and spoke with their lawn person. He recommended “TERRO Ant Killer”.

It is a liquid bait system and you put a drop on little cardboard squares along their little parade route. They take it back to the nest and they all die prolly from obesity because they love this stuff. It must be like trying to walk by the Funnel Cakes at the fair. They line up around the edges like cattle around a watering hole. The Lowes guy said it worked on all kinds of ants. Boy was he right.



The stuff appears to work as long as you keep the goo coming. I am not sure if it is actually killing the ants or if they left all pissed off at being called names.

I missed Halloween this year due to my business trip. Big A came over to help and give out candy while the wife and the little one went out Trick or Treating. I know they are a week late but here are some of the things I missed.

They carved a pumpkin.



You don’t get the full effect till you light her up.



Little A dressed up as a witch. To be honest I didn’t realize it was her in the pic till they told me. Is amazing what a bit of makeup can do.



Our neighborhood is great for Trick or Treating and they racked up on the candy.

Wish I could have been here.

Simply Stuff

I am beat. Yes again. I would have posted last nite but I left my laptop bag in the work trailer. The long days are wearing on me. I aint used to this stuff. In the same breath I have had a ball. I have had a few issue with the new machine but have been able to trouble shoot and git-r-Done.

It is cold and dry and my fingers are splitting and sore. All my muscles are sore or have just refused to move. LOL

I think I get to leave tomorrow. We have to do a sweep of all the points we tested. There are always missed points.

I spent the last two days in the penthouse. It is the little room at the top of the boiler. It has the upper headers and I needed to take samples there. It is 116 steps up then climb down 15 rungs of a ladder. You crawl across an inclined edge to crawl into a 18 x 24 hole. It 4 foot tall room and the floor is pipe and the breeze blew thru. It is hard to explain and I didnt take pics cause I didnt want to carry anything else up but it is rather unpleasant. That said it was a great experience because I make equipment for the guys and I have a better appreciation for what they go thru.

Here are the pic of the day.

Here is the plant. It is a gas fired unit coupled with a HRSG. It is very efficient.



This is another view of the cooling towers. Hour glass figures aren't just for the Nukes anymore.



Here are the facilities. Granted they did a great job keeping them clean but couldnt we have heated seats??? It was 25 this morn. Let's just say I had visions of the Christmas Story, tongue on the frozen flagpole scene in my mind.



I am going to miss being on this trip. It was great for blogging. Well for me anyways. Hope y'all found something to enjoy.

Today was a pretty good day. It started cold and ended cold but was comfy in the middle. The sky was a gorgeous blue as you will see in the pics.

I just got in and am whooped so this is going to be a bit short on words.

This is my newest piece of equipment I developed. We are trying it for the first in the field today. The jury is still out right now but the first sample I cut out went well



This Is the area I was working in. We were up about 50 feet. Nope thats not me.



We have a great view from the scaffolding.



Glad I dont Have to climb up there.



I never dreamed I would ever post my pic but here ya go. My cheeks are beet red from the cold wind. The hard hat aint warm but I have a fleece do-rag. Coverall and layers help.



Tommorrow may be my last day. We work in the penthouse. It aint what ya think. LOL

I Want My $5 Back

We waited in traffic for a bit over an hour to get into the Rennasaince Festival that I threatened to write about. It was worth it and I will go again next year.

Today I sat in a twelve mile back up for almost an hour to get where??

Delaware!! And they charged me $5 to get in. You aint even in there that long. There are no hills or curves that give you a thrill and there is no booth at the other end givng you your deposit back for not stealing anything. No wonder Washington snuck across the river at night. He didnt have an hour to kill and between him and the crew they couldnt come up with $5 cause they spent it on $2 bottles of water at the welcome center.

That said it was a long day. We started work today at 7 and finished the scans in Richmond VA. at noon. I packed my truck and headed back to the hotel to freshen up. Then I headed out to eastern PA for a 5 hour tour. When I hit DC I knew how Gilligan and the skipper felt when they hit the storm. I knew DC would be jammed up but I thought it would be a bit better due to it being Sunday. I wonder if anyone was left in the Northeast this weekend cause they were all headed home tonight.

My GPS said I would get here atbout seven. OK, She should have been a weather girl instead. I got in at 9. I am a it tired and it is another early 12 hour day tomorrow.

I wanted to share some pics but I didnt see any great color and driving thru DC was too hectic to shoot pics. I love my bloggers but I cant do but so much.

SO here are what I got.

Heres some color and a Denny's Pic for you know who you are. LOL





Here is the Air Force Memorial in Washington. There are better pics online.



Here is the Washington Monument with a little Orange and Yellow added in for color. LOL

Day two. We met at 6:30 this morn to head to the shop. It was a pretty good day. At the end of 12 hours I was ready for some quiet and some dinner. Ya dont always get what ya want.

We assembled the scanner first and got down to business pulling some scans. This shop is huge. I would post a pic of it but they dont allow pics. They have turbines everywhere that are being serviced or being reconditioned. They have 3 stories underground for testing. A guy across the isle was cleanining a turbine with compressed air. If you have ever been in a tire shop you know how loud air can be.

Here is a pic of the turbine and the scanner I built. We could shoot pics of our stuff. The turbine is about 30 ft long and 12 ft high.




When we came to a stopping point we headed to the Hotel. When we arrived there was am old car cruise at the Hardees adjacent to the hotel parking lot. They had a DJ and he was sooooo loud. I love old cars but after today I hated noise more. After getting cleaned up we headed back to the Steel Horse grille for dinner. Again the food was fabulous but things were different tonight.

We failed to notice the sign hawking $125 for the best costume. They should have listed Having the worlds loudest band. I love good country music and the band wernt bad but at the end of the day sometimes ya can only handle so much volume. I felt a bit out of place sitting there in street clothes amongst Alice in Wonderland and The half nekkid chick but all I had for a costume would have been my hardhat and some climbing gear. They were having a ball but once again we have to get ready for another early morn.

I hope to be out of here by 2 tomorrow and head to PA.
Time for bed.

Dinner and a Photo

Work went well today. Since the tech that was coming couldnt get here till tonight and my work was only going to take a couple hours I slept in. What a way to start a day. Well the complimentary semi-artificial omelet kinda tempered the overall mood. I still got there at 8 but that extra hour is always welcome. Even then I had my material sample out by 10. It took longer to pack all the equipment up. I was asked to stay and help him scan the turbine blade attachments so it seems I am going to be here in Richmond a couple more nights.

Below is a pic of the tool I made to pull the sample being used this morn. It is mounted between two wheels on a turbine. Excited? Yea, Me too. LOL






The tech arrived this evening and wanted to go to a place where he could watch the West-by-god-Virgina game so he and I went to dinner at a place called Steel Horse Bar and Grille. MMMMM The service was great. The food was delicious and the crowd was hilarious. Our waiter was on top of things and we had our drinks straight away. Withing 5 mins the owner was over asking about the service and when she saw a guy at the next table without a drink she asked why. He was actually visiting with friends from another table. Satisfied she continued her rounds. I had a Curry Chicken which seemed a bit out of place for this joint but it was delicious. It must have been a local favorite place. Everyone appeared to know one another. I call my daughters magnetheads because every pic they have with their friends have their heads stuck together like magnets. Well the flashes were going off like the 4th of July. Every table taking pics. Lots of heads stuck together. By the time we were leaving the bar was pretty loose. Hate we couldnt stay for the karaoke But early morn beckons.

Good Night

What to do, What to do??

I do enjoy traveling for work. I get to see new places as I drive by at 65 oh ok 75 mph. I get to eat good food on someone elses dime. I get to collect frequent flyer miles and hotel points. Problem is we work 12 hour days on the road. We get off site and by the time we cleanup and get out to eat is fairly late and we have an early day starting again.

So here I sit. Watching the World Series in a hotel room in Richmond Va. Tomorrow I will be in PA but I will be working with a crew.

What should I do with that spare time? After reading my blog list.

Heres to YOU, Cheers!

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Americans drink, on average, about 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be an American!

It Went By So Fast

Today the wife and I are celebrating 28 yrs of marriage. It's been a pretty good run so far. We are going to celebrate quietly. Maybe a movie tonite after dinner. She has been hankering for some Carraba's. We went to the Rennasaince Festival last weekend. I'll have pics of that later.

They say a gift you made is special so I built her a brand nicky new computer with lots of bells and whistles. Now she can facebook with style and plow that Farmville garden in a jiffy without fear of locking up. If she could just figger out how to get the pics from her camera to the computer I would be a happy man.

Of coures it wernt a total surprise. Hers died last week and she has seen all the parts in my office the last couple days while I built it. I know I know you aint spose to give a gift that plugs in. I solved that. When I gave it to her I didnt have the cord attached. I wernt born yesterday ya know.

Gotta go, I'm making French Toast for breakfast. She loves that foreign food.

RaNDOM with Little a

Little A is my 8 year old. She is in 3rd grade but when you talk to her you can tell she has much older siblings that need to watch what they say around her. We have to constantly tell her that some things she has said were not appropriate. Every kid has said funny things. Here are some of her latest random things.

She and I went to breakfast the other day and she told me she needed to get a job and a boyfriend like her big sis’s.

She wants to know if she can have the minivan when she gets her license. We will see haow that goes when she gets older.

Big A was discussing a patient at work(She works in labor and delivery as a Surg Tech) that was force feeding the baby and Little A said, where is she at, someone oughta Jack Slap her. Where did that come from??

She told me she was writing in her journal and wanted to know how to spell “Total Drama”. It starts so early.

She has a friend that was afraid of the Tooth Fairy. When they lost a tooth they put it under their pillow on their bed and they slept downstairs on the couch. Even she thought that was a bit odd.

She held a Saturday tea party with the wife and me. I was in shorts and a sleeveless tee but had to wear a tie. She looked funny trying to hold her cup with the Pinky sticking out. That’s how you do it she informed us.

I told her she needed to get all her crap out of the middle of the floor. She informed me that she was not supposed to hear the word crap. This was the day after the Jack Slap comment.

She wanted to know why we named her an A name. I told her it was because the older 3 were A’s so we felt kinda obligated. She said we should have named her Courtney, Gwen, Penny, Jade or Kat.

She’s always a treat to listen to.

Hidy Ho There Neighbor!!

I’ve seen other posts about this but I got my Suthern eyes opened a bit Friday.

Growing up in a small town, when walking or driving when you met someone you just waved and you said hi, hello, or howdy. Nuff said, and you went on your way. In line at a store you spoke, and chatted with folks behind you or the clerk. I don’t think it was expected as much as it was just what you did. If you didn’t you got talked about so I spose it was expected. Native old timers still do it but as time has passed fewer and fewer folks do it. In our neighborhood we wave and some folks wave back and others don’t. Jerk, is the first thought. They are from up north. Unfriendly is the verdict. Why else would they not speak?

I was on the phone with a vendor from Pennsylvania one day as I went thru a drive thru for a quick lunch. “Can I take your order please?” Yes ma’am, I said I ‘d like this and that. “That will be $Cha Ching” I drove around got the food, said thank you very much and hope you have a great day. The vendor asked “what was that”? What I ask? “Did you know her”? No, I was just being polite. He thought it was rather odd. “We’d never do that here”.

Friday at lunch I got a little lesson in international Politics. Our company is very diversified. Represented in the break room at lunch were Romania, Canada, India, the Philippines, Pittsburgh and North Carolina. Yes I did just put NC and PA in two different countries. I have my reasons. LOL Not only were they from different countries but have lived in various places in the US. More than I can say for myself.

The girl From Romania says it is not welcome. They don’t know you so why speak.

The Guy from Canada said it took him a while to get used to it.

The guy from India who is the friendliest guy you ever met said they don’t do it in India. I ask him why he does it and he said he was just adjusting to the area but when he is with his Indian friends they think it is odd.

The Pittsburgh guy joked about how rude everyone is there. Sad I think.

I think it is odd that folks move here and claim it is due to the hospitality and then feel offended when strangers speak. Aint that part of hospitality?

I do it everywhere I go. What’s your take? Is it too much?

Where Did The Time Go??

Wow!! I can’t believe it but this is my 50th post. I never would have believed I would be posting anything online. Nevertheless 50 somethings. Where did the time go? More unbelievable is that some folks would actually read it. Thanks.

My first experience with blogging was when a friend gave me her blog address so I could see her new dog. I followed some of her links and then some others. I wanted to leave comments but thought if I was going to do it I should share something as well. So here I am.

I was surprised to see how it changes your thought process and how you think of everyday activites. I tend to look at things differently to see if it is blog worthy. Usually it ain’t but I write it anyway. For the first couple months I couldn’t sleep at night trying to think of what to write or writing a blog in my head while still half asleep.

I have met some really nice folks and while I don’t really know them I feel like I do. I enjoy reading their blogs and look forward to their comments. I get to share their up moments and their pain. Several blogs have made me look at things in a different way.

My blog is private, I think. I haven’t told anyone about it so I don’t think anyone I know reads it at least I hope not. Well unless the IT folks at work read it. Hi Guys!!

One of the things I thought I would do was use my blog to vent and rant. I am pretty laid back so I don’t unload often. There are things that lay on me pretty heavy that I thought I might lay out there once in a while just to get it off my chest but I don’t feel comfortable doing that quite yet.

I know my observations and experience are nothing new to those of you already blogging but I just wanted to share my thoughts about this new experience.

So to close, I want to thank each of you that read or follow my blog. I know my posts are a bit different from the ladies blogs. Hopefully you will get a laugh or an a-ha or something from some of them. I also want to thank you guys for allowing me to be a part of your blog family and visit your posts each day. I look forward to getting to know all y’all a bit better.

Thank Ya Much

And The Award Goes To….?

Saturday was fix it day at the house. I fixed the microwave, the lawnmower and the bathroom cabinet. In light of all the Award Shows going on, I thought I would spread the love to the working man’s friends. We will just focus on the morning project.

For replacing the turn table motor on the microwave, the nominees are…..

Black and Decker VSR 18 volt drill motor with Phillips tip

FedEx Delivery

Fluke Volt Meter

The Black and Decker quickly removed the bottom cover screws and then the motor. The fluke meter checked the voltage on the unit. The drill motor replaced the screws in the motor which was delivered by Fedex. The Black and Decker then replaced all the bottom cover screws. Upon closer review the Fedex delivery came in a UPS box. Tacky. Who does that? The Fluke meter was seen walking around with its battery door missing and it’s 9 volter hanging out. (9 volt, He wishes)

So the Handy Manny award goes to………

Black and Decker VSR 18 volt drill motor with Phillips tip

In his concession speech the Fluke meter complained that the Drill screwed his way to the prize. When ask about it Black and Decker just commented, “he’s such a tool.”

When things need fix'in I love it when I get to break out my tools.
What's you favorite tool/thing?

“I Love White Noise and I Can Not Lie”

I have worked in an R&D machine shop for years so things have never been quiet. Even then I turn up the tunes over the equipment. I crank up the radio when I drive and sing along. I have the TV on in my office when I work from home. I have the TV or radio on in my garage at home when I am working on the car or welding. I fall asleep with the TV on. I just like noise.

Recently one of the folks I follow wrote about turning off the noise and enjoying the silence. They made a good argument and it really made good sense so I thought I would give it a try. It has been a bit now and while I weren’t real strict about it I did try.

Turns out I don’t like me in the silence. If you have issues they tend to stream thru your idle mind as often as the previews to the new Hawaii 5-0. It also appears I have more issues than 30 yrs of Cosmo.

Soooo, I like noise. Luckily it aint hard to find. I crank up the country tunes so my inner demons don’t have a chance to surface. Sorry fellows, I just don’t wanna hear it right now.

How bout it? Do you prefer the quiet or a little white noise.

I'm Feeling Butter Now!!

Recently I swapped a pint of pickled okra with recipe for 2 lobster tails with a gal at work. I swapped with the gal, She didnt come with the lobster. I thought it was a good trade but the wife wanted nothing to do with the lobster but then again she didn’t care for the pickled okra either. I have been longing for a chance to cook it.

The wife is out of town this weekend. She and her sisters are at a weekend scrapbooking retreat.

SOOOOO, while she was busy cutting and gluing it was time to fire up the grill. I rang up my oldest daughter. No need to twist her arm. We fixed broiled asparagus, garlic bread, pasta salad and topped it off with some sweet iced tea. Cooking right next to the tails were some hot dogs for little A. What a meal.

French toast,eggs and bacon in the morning. Take your time hun we aint suffering at home.

Cats Too? Or Cat Stew?

I don’t particularly care for cats. My wife has 2 so I tolerate them. I think they know I don’t like them a lot so they tend to lay on me and rub my leg to aggravate me. I have cleaned up more hairballs than I like and if you have never had a cat don’t be fooled, it looks nothing like a ball. They drive me nuts but never have they driven me to the point that Gary Korkuc went to.

Police in Buffalo, NY pulled him over for running a stoplight. They then discovered a live cat in the trunk marinating in oil and peppers. Seems the cat was a bit too unruly so he decided to eat it. I have seen construction workers heat their food on hot vehicle engines but I have never seen a recipe that calls for driving around with the dish in the trunk first. So far he is charged with cruelty to animals and has been released. Still pending is the decision to charge him with not using the traditional Buffalo Sauce and the Health Department is looking to place a “D” Sanitation Grade on his car.

The cat, Navarro, was taken to the SPCA where he was checked out and cleaned up. He was put up for adoption and rumor has it that several restaurants have shown interest.

Just Kidding.

He was actually adopted and given a new name. The new owner calls him Oliver. No comment if that came from the Olive oil smell.

Is That A Drill In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To Be Scanned?

What would we do without the TSA keeping our skies safe? Our planes free from fingernail clippers and hair conditioner. I know we need them but a couple flights made me question their consistency.

I occasionally travel for work. When I go to the field I have to carry on my laptop case and boot bag.

On one trip they scanned my laptop bag. Sir. Please step into the cube. Huh? I look and they are rescanning my laptop case and pointing. Is that your bag? Yes. There are five agents now looking at the x-ray of my bag and digging around. It is amazing how many pockets and nooks are in those things. Sir, do you have a drill bit in your bag? Uhhh, I am a machinist, it is possible. They scanned again and after digging around about 10 minutes they pulled out a 3/8 inch diameter x 12 inch long drill bit. I thought oh crap I forgot that was in there and I am in trouble now. They started laughing(yes they laughed), motioning me to come get may bag. As I was putting my laptop back in my bag they handed me the drill back. Odd thing is it had been in my bags for 2 other trips. Good thing it weren’t a fingernail file.

I also carried my boot bag on one trip which included my safety harness lanyards. It has 2 huge hooks on each end for tying off while I am climbing. They just looked at them and cleared them.



I do appreciate the free pass but what’s the criteria? Maybe it’s just my southern charm. Of course the folks behind me weren’t so thrilled.

Ever had a personal search in TSA?

Can you raed this?

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

I recieved this in an Email. It didn't say whether being able to was good or bad.

Well how bout it? Could you?

My First Time

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
Upon her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time
Milking a cow!

Double Tag Team

Not only did I get tagged but I got double teamed by two young ladies. Real life never works out quite that well. I am going to combine the two into one long list.

25 things ya may not know about me.

1. I am terribly shy, especially in crowds. I kinda panicked when I got tagged to do this. But I think I will make it thru. I typically try to be low key. Sad I know.

2. That being said, I will talk a total stranger’s ear off in the airport or on a plane or in line at a store or restaurant.

3. I am old. I will be a year older next week. Nuff said.

4. I love Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. They were founded just up the road a piece.

5. I don’t really care for reading books. I have a short attention span. I do enjoy short stories and Readers Digest, Sudoku puzzles and crosswords.

6. I don’t watch shows with a storyline like 24 or Lost due to my schedule because I can’t keep up plus the attention span issue.

7. I own a small machine shop where I do side work. Don’t make a lot of money there but it helps and I love the feeling of creating things from scratch.

8. I hold 6 US Patents for different types of equipment designs and have a 7th pending approval.

9. I like working on cars or anything mechanical.

10. I enjoy watching NASCAR races on TV. I drive right past the front door of the Charlotte Motor speedway every morning on my way to work but I don’t go to races due to the crowd. I do go to the Summer Shootout series for the legends races.

11. I have 4 Kids. Ages 23,22,18,7.

12. I have never lived more than 6 miles from where I was born. So odds are I prolly won’t be moving to Ohio. I really don’t need to because half of them have already moved here.

13. To confirm Chrissy’s (I Should’ve Been A Stripper) guess, Yes I do have a southern accent and per my co-workers opinions it’s pretty thick.

14. I like to travel for work. The only place east of the Mississippi I have been is Denver Colorado.

15. I was a Volunteer Emergency Medical Technician in a small town for 7 years. I could pull a perfect strip on the Recordi-Annie during CPR training. I’ve done CPR for real 3 times.

16. I had to do the Heimlich maneuver on my son when he was 3. Thank goodness for all the training.

17. I was playing church league softball one night while on Ambulance duty. I broke my ankle running to first. Before they had me out of the ballpark the other On Duty EMT separated his shoulder in centerfield. They put us in the same room in the ER. I got to watch as they set his shoulder.

18. I like Survivor and Big Brother. I watch the Amazing Race periodically.

19. I like NCIS reruns.

20. I Design/Build/Repair/Maintain the equipment where I work.

21. I can fix anything but a broken heart and the crack of dawn. That might be a bit overstated but I like the saying.

22. It took me 20 yrs to finish my 2 year associates degree. I started college using a slide rule and finished on a laptop.

23. I love crawfish. In the creek in a tank or on a plate.

24. I hate to write. It doesn’t come natural to me. It is a bit overwhelming because most folks I tend to follow write for a living or are published or are just good at it. I do try.

25. I can’t seem to grab buttons or widgets or links. I tried to put buttons on my page but for some reason it is beyond me. Adding pics was a feat in itself and some days logging in is a challenge.

Well, That’s me in a nutshell. Thank you Señorita Andalucíana and Chrissy for the mention and the opportunity. I would link to you but see #25 above.

For Your Convenience Just Leave Your Wallet On The Table

I am traveling in Pittsburgh this week. The hotel room is clean. My bed is comfy. My dinner was great. Free internet. Yea! I found this little gift of a 1 liter bottle on the nightstand in my room.



At these prices I'm glad my car don't run on water.



Mighty handy but I think I will pass. However, I will offer this for free.

The Koala Ate My Homework

While this is prolly not real it is amusing.

Turn up the sound.

Simplicity

In my job I tend to do a lot of trig and other calculations. I found this to be kinda funny.


Wish it was all this easy.

From the Attic to the Yard

Pig stuff??
Huh?
Pig stuff, I collect it, Ya got any?? Ya know pig salt and pepper shakers, pig plates, ceramic pigs, pig toys, Pi..…
Yea, Yea, I got it? No, we had some plastic pigs in a Lego Set but we sold them to a lady earlier.
Was she about this tall and trashy looking? She always beats me to the good stuff. You know which way she headed??
Uh, no, I didn’t watch, sorry.
That all you have?
Uh yea, well there’s my son. If you seen his room you would think he was a pig.
She looks at me like I’m crazy.
That's a nice car is it for sale?
Uh, No it's my car.
How much for this frame?
50 cents
Will ya take a quarter?
Sure
Her hubby pulls a huge roll of bills out of his overalls and peels out a note.
Can ya break a ten?
Nah, just take it.
Yard sales, Gotta love’m.
We lived on the main drag in a tiny town. We had a huge front yard and friends would ask if they could hold their yard sale in our yard. We never minded. It was a chance to unload some of our stuff, and then end up buying stuff of theirs we had our eyes on for years. Plus, we had to buy some junk cause we were running out of our own things to sell. I got a deal on a microwave. It was broke but it was only $5. I took it to work and found a bad resistor in it. It became the shop microwave for 15 yrs.
The wife and I argued over whether to sell her stereo or not. Why don’t you sell yours she asks? Well mine don’t work. I need to fix it… When BOOM. A friend coming down the road in his 4X4 truck, angles it and jumps the ditch. He had a load of stuff he wanted to sell.
It was always a big deal. One morning Michael Jordan stopped by on the way to his parent’s house. Well he didn’t actually stop. He had to slow down due to the people parked all over the road. Can’t believe he didn’t stop tho. I know he was temped. Hard to pass up that 70’s sectional sofa or the entertainment center made of only the finest in particleboard construction.
Yard saler’s are hard core. One morning we woke at 5:30 to the sound of voices in the carport. Deer in the headlights look when I flipped the lights on. “Early bird gets the worm was their reply” kinda grinning as they saw the 45 in their face. Better move on folks.
Then the next weekend you would drive by another yard sale and see your stuff for sale there and you wonder, did I really want to sell that in the first place. I still had the spot open in the garage for it and it was at a good price.

The circle of life.

The Better Marriage Blanket

It appears there is a new product on the market to save marriages. I can see where it might have some promise.




What other uses can you think of for this fabric?

Would you buy it??

TMI or Just Yellow J’urinal’ism

Recently I was dealing with a kidney stone. After suffering all day I decided to go to the ER. They gave me some kinda cocktail that was amazing. I highly recommend it. A couple pain free days later I was sitting at home in my office minding my own business when I needed to relieve myself. I went to the toilet and was making bubbles in the blue water when the stream paused then started again and I thinks to myself, Self?? what the heck was that? It took a second to realize the stone had moved out of my bladder and making it way towards daylight. I was surprised because I really didn’t know if the stone had ever made it to the bladder. All of the sudden, at the worst possible time, the river of relief dried up. I still weren’t positive what was happening. It was a little painful so I felt around annnnd Ohhhhh crap, FOUND IT, that hurts, ALOT. I found the little porcupine. He was making the most of his exit. It was stranded halfway to the freefall point. I carefully stowed the injured and aching appendage and headed toward the fridge. The rescue mission was underway. As luck would have it I only had 1 beer so I chugged it pretty quickly. I then started downing glasses of water. I went to sit in my office to let the reservoir refill for the grand departure and ouch. I had to readjust the packaging. It seemed like forever but finally that special urge returned. I waddled to the bathroom with that super cool cup the Dr. gives you with a strainer in the bottom. I lined up just right so I could hit the toilet and have one knee braced against the wall ( I've heard Scary Stories). It is kinduva a trick to unstow without irritating the spiny critter and hold the cup and line everything up just right. I only got two hands. Well the big moment arrived. I let the dam go and yikes. You seen pictures where the cat has its claws dug in and it is ripping whatever it is clinging to. I was kinda like that for prolly a second but it seemed a lot longer. All the sudden it is out. Nasty little thing. I rinsed it off and measured it. 4mm average but was about 5mm across at the widest sharpest point. That’s not my first stone but it was definitely my least favorite.

TP Surprise

Our neighbors house this morning.



I tried to move more to the front to get a straight on shot but daddy neighbor was cleaning up. He aint a cheery ole soul.

I guess this begs for the age old question. Do you throw the toliet paper with it coming over the top or under the bottom?

Oh, That’s Gross or 2002: Running Out of Space Odyssey

We were done with having kids, we thought. We had 3 and we were happily moving on with life, school, scouts, softball, and learner’s permits. We were in a small 3 bedroom and already had the girls stacked in bunks like cordwood. The youngest was 9 when IT happened but had been asking and praying for a baby sister for years. I got the call at work in 2002 and we were at the dinner table the night we announced we were having another baby to the youngins. The kids just got up one by one and left the table without saying a word. It was quiet and a bit surreal. Well the baby came and was loved but when things came up we jokingly blamed the youngest because she was the one that kept begging for a sister.

Well one day she came home from school proclaiming that Little A wasn’t her fault at all. She saw a film at school today and it weren’t her fault, it was mom and dads and it was gross. I guess the secret is out.

The Honeymoon and the Deliverance Gang

As the wife and I were planning our wedding we were trying to decide on a honeymoon spot. I had just been laid off so the funds were slim. I was at my parent’s house one day and WT (my old boss/family friend) was there. He said we could use his cabin in Tennessee, free. Wow, that sounded good. I was a bit surprised because the last day I worked for him I hit him in the leg with a sledgehammer and ran the truck over some concrete forms.
We hit the hillbilly highway the day after the wedding. We drove 4 miles up the mountain on a dirt road over condemned bridges and thru the creek to get to the cabin. It really was a nice place. WT was there but packing to come home. He laid down the ropes. No food outside, Don’t walk around outside after dark, especially with food. Huh?? Bears. Ohhhh, thanks for the warning.

We moved in, got comfy and started planning our excursions for the week. The Worlds Fair was in Knoxville and since Y2K prolly messed up calendars looking back that far, it was 1982. Yea, way back. Gatlinburg was only 2 hours away so we decided to hit that first.

Our trip the next day to Gatlinburg was wet and foggy. It had stopped raining when we got to town so we saw the sights and had a sepia photo made in period clothing at the Old Timey Photo place. We shopped, ate and looked around till time to go. It was a bit foggy so we decided to stay the night in lieu of facing the fog for 2 hours. We found no rooms were available due to the World’s Fair but were pointed to the Chamber of Commerce for help. When we asked about a room his eyes lit up. “I got just the place. There are cabins up the mountain called Black Bear Lodge, I’ll call for ya”. As he cups his hand over the mouth piece he says “Hey, Bubba, I got two more for ya”. “He says he can come get ya cause your car won’t make it up the mountain”. Bells, whistles, and sirens go off in my head. I swear I seen this movie before and it didn’t turn out well. Can you say,” squeal like a pig!!”? I looked at the wife and I can tell she was hearing Dueling Banjos too so we politely declined, shuffled our feet toward the exit and about ran to the car.

We drove thru Pigeon Forge on the way back, only then Dolly hadn’t dreamed of Dollywood yet. As we pulled thru the creek and up to the cabin we noticed the lights were on upstairs. Problem was we haven’t been upstairs. I left wifey in the car with instructions to high tail it out if something happened. It wouldn’t do any good because she couldn’t drive a straight drive. I snuck into the house quiet as I could and reached into the cabinets to get my gun. What?? You didn’t take yours on your honeymoon? I’m from the south. No, I don’t know why I didn’t take it to Gatlinburg too. Get off my case. Anywho, I about broke plates getting it out quietly, sheesh. I start up the stairs looking like Barney Fife with a shaking gun. Squeak, squeak, squeak, each step sounding more and more familiar. When I made the turn at the top of the stairs it hit me. I was up here last night getting a quilt. Feeling braver now I looked around to be sure we were visitor free and made sure I turned the lights out. We went to bed a bit shaken and exhausted from the day’s events just to be awakened at 6:30 the next morn by a knock on the door by an extra from These Hills Have Eyes. Yea, I had my gun this time. Turns out it was a neighbor (closest house is a mile away) WT had asked to check on us. He wanted to make sure we were OK (Survived) and they had spotted a bear in the creek earlier this morn. Earlier?? It was only 6:30, what were they doing below the house before 6:30? I’m thinking WT is getting me back for the sledgehammer incident. While he was speaking I noticed concrete trucks going up the road. They were building a Chateau at the top of the mountain. When we went out later to pick up some groceries we looked back at the bridge. The condemned sign had been taken down. load limit problem solved I spose. Overall it was a nice if not memorable Honeymoon.

How was your honeymoon?

Was Mom Wrong?

This morning I was thinking, “I hate being me”. There are folks here at work that tend to take advantage of my willingness to help out at the expense of my own projects and I have problems saying NO. I was raised to be courteous, helpful and respectful of others. It was always put the other person first and it was helping the company out. It is also a Biblical principle. Recently I read an article on AOL titled “On the job, Nice guys may finish last”. http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2010/03/27/nice-guys-finish-last/ I can look back and see how it has prolly hindered my professional progress in the past. I have always been of the opinion that “I don’t have to play all the games as long as I know the rules”. Turns out that maybe I should have played the games. I went into the boss’s office this morning to tell him about the article and announced that I was going to be more assertive and not so willing to bail folks out of their own messes. He kinda looked at me and then I said, SORRY. Sorry??? Crap, I can’t even pretend to be tough. He got a good laugh. I walked off shaking my head. So, I guess I am who I am and that’s all I’ll ever be. That kinda sounds like a song. For the big picture mom was right. Just not at work I spose. Nice guys may finish last but in the end I’ll still be a nice guy. Ya’ll have a wonderful day.

Everything I Know About Cars I Learned While Drinking Or I Saw The Lightening

Before I was married I worked with a friend (RT) repairing and building portrait studio cameras. He had a friend (RA) that had a barn where they worked on cars at night. I had a knack of being able to disassemble most anything and actually put it back together (without having spare parts left over) so they invited me to join them. We stayed pretty busy fixing cars and trucks for family, friends and friends of friends. We did everything from replace windows to rebuild transmissions. I really didn’t know much about cars to start with but I learned quickly. We worked together for about three years and made about $300. Not really a big profit but I learned a ton that has saved me thousands since. The most important thing was RA’s dad owned a little country store. Most nights we would take a road trip to the store and pick up a few beers, link sausage, hoop cheese, and crackers. We worked hard but we partied pretty hard too. The building was made of tin and despite our best efforts to seal it up when the wind blew outside it blew inside too. In the winter we would sit around the wood stove and toss back a few and try to stay warm between turns on the cold concrete floor under a vehicle. During the summer we opened the huge doors and ran the fans and had fish fries. Oh, we worked some too. One summer we were working on a 54 Ford pickup truck. We were swapping the engine and transmission out with a 289 Mustang engine and 4 speed tranny. It was storming outside, with heavy rain and lightening. The truck was up on steel jack stands and I was leaning across the fender with a beer in my hand looking into the engine compartment. All the sudden we heard a loud thunderclap. Ya know how you count seconds to tell how close it is. Well there weren’t no seconds to count. Something lifted me 4 inches off the floor. The guys said I had arcs coming out of my feet. I had to sit down a bit as my muscles felt a bit weird but I was fine and only spilled a little bit. I still love a summer thunderstorm but I don’t watch them from metal buildings anymore.

Ever had your life light up??

College days ahead

I took a nice trip this weekend with my high school senior daughter. We went to the coast to see her college and OH jeepers it made me wish I owned a Rascal. I don’t think I have ever walked so much in my life. They claim the college has gone green. Well my face was pale and my feet were red. The green finally came into play in the financial meetings. Seems I make too much for her to get financial aid but too little to make the payments. We toured the dorms. I swear we were in the same building but saw two totally different places. I saw little pig sty’s all in a row. She saw a castle free from parental guidance. It was a nice trip and she seems excited. I thought we would get time to talk as it was a 3 ½ hour drive. Hah, how wrong I was. Out popped the IPOD, I might as well been in the car by myself. Coming home was a nice drive, at least till I got about 20 miles from home. We drove the back roads. The fields were gorgeous and then we realized why. The odor filled the car. Tis the season. The fields were fertilized by chicken manure. It didn’t help that the back roads are lined with chicken farms. I got in the car this morn and the odor was still in the car. It took a few miles with the windows down to air it out. Aside from the airy welcome home it was a nice trip.

The Government Thinking Process Explained

I think this may explain alot.


“I don’t see why the legislature should be in the business of artificial intelligence, real intelligence or any intelligence at all.”
–Rep. Hunt Downer (D-La.)

I Need CPR Can I Help

I look forward to taking Little A to the ball field for practice. I played softball for years and I have been helping the coaches and working with the girls. At the field tonite, one of the girls asked me to throw with her. We threw for about 15 minutes warming up when the coach called everyone in. The girl’s mom asked her if she was warmed up and she said yes, she was throwing with the old guy. Wha… ??? You should have seen the mom’s and coach’s faces. The apologies started flowing. It was pretty funny. I ain’t no spring chicken, I’m 50. My glove is older than most of the moms there. I have 3 older kids ( 23, 21, 17) and Little A (7) was the late surprise. It didn’t bother me a lick but it was a bit of a surprise. When she was first born we had folks at church ask us if we were playing grandma and grandpa this weekend. I about threw him off the balcony. I handle it a lot better now. Have your kids ever said anything to give you that OH NO moment?

Child Rearing Advice

"Never raise your hand to your children--it leaves your midsection exposed" --Robert Orben

What's in your Head?

The call comes. Dad, I am at Autozone, What kind of oil do I need for my car. Now that’s makes a dad really proud even tho I will be the one changing it. Oh that’s Pennzoil High Mileage 5W-30. It’s in a 5 quart container. What kind of oil filter do I need? Oh that’s a Fram PH 3387A. The wife’s van uses a PH16. My old Z car used a PH2450. Why do I know this? I have a thing for numbers. I still remember part numbers from machines I worked on 30 yrs ago and don’t tell the wife but my old girl friends number(no I don’t call). Past addresses, phone numbers, and dimensions of parts I made a long time ago still hold spaces in my noggin. Wooohooooo, My mind is a trap. Then the wife calls, Did you pick up little A at her friends?? Uhhh no. Did you get your prescription filled?? Uhhh No Did you pick up the dog food at the vet?? Uhhhh No Crap. I am not totally forgetful, I do remember to brush my teeth and shower in the morn, but I have headed off to work without shaving and my glasses and my work laptop a couple times too. I think I need to dump and defrag to make room for more current useful things. What fills your head??

Rat Wars or Hey Ya'll Watch This

Years ago I went out to feed the dog in her pen. When I opened the gate I saw a tail sticking out from under her food bowl. I flipped it over and there was a king snake coiled up under it. It shot out and crawled under the dog house. Being a fan of snakes I flipped the house over to try and catch it. When I did I saw a huge hole under the dog house with a big rat head sticking out of it. It had gnawed a hole through a drain line and was using it as a subway between the field, where the washing machine drain dumped, and the dog food bowl. I forgot all about the snake and ran into the house to get my pistol. Things went downhill from there. The rat ran down the drain line but I was there at the end when he got there and I popped a couple rounds at him. I assumed I missed because he ran back up the pipe. I saw him run by the hole under the dog house and he was heading to the washer inside. I hollered for the wife to fill the washer and then drain it. I’m sitting there waiting for a gush of water when she walks out. I ask what was going on and she informs me she just started a load. Good grief. I grabbed the flexible pipe and pulled about 4 feet out of the ground. I had her fetch the garden hose and I started filling the drain pipe up with water. After about 10 minutes water started flowing from the drain pipe and a minute after that the rat came out, Splat on the ground. The wife ran to the house, I backed out of the pen and it followed me and then took off across the yard. I took my best marksman ( I ain’t) stance and proceeded to empty the clip as it ran across the yard. It stopped in the ditch and I ran down to see if it was dead. I nudged it with my foot and it let out a scream and lunged and grabbed the inseam of my jeans about the knee. Thank goodness my clip was empty or I would have prolly shot myself in the leg. I am standing/hopping on one leg, shaking the other in the finest Hokey Pokey dance you ever saw trying to shake the rat off. That sucker was not about to let go. I finally hit it with my gun and knocked it off. It lay in the ditch and I was not about to poke it with my foot again so I ran back to the garage to get my shovel. When I got back it appeared to be dead. I whacked it for good measure to make sure. I started up to the house with it when I saw the wife in the window about to fall over laughing. I tried to tell her about it but the adrenaline was still flowing pretty good and I could barely speak but she saw it all and was already on the phone to her sis. I had won the war but lost my dignity.

What's In "A" Name

Just a tad about my kids. I have 4, 3 girls and 1 boy. For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to name them all starting with the Letter A. Well it didn’t start like that. The oldest was named after the wife. She was known by her second name and I liked her first name so we agreed on that. She tells everyone I just blurted it out in the hospital but that aint true. We went round and round over the son’s name. My dad and her dad combo, William Robert, Nope, down south that’s Billy Bob and even being a bit rednecked I ain’t doing that to him. The rest of the male family names to choose from, Willard, Millard, Zimmie, Roscoe, Rufus, Clinton, and Horatio. We were screwed so we picked a non-family name that happened to start with an A. We discussed whether to name him the full version or nickname and we picked the full. Everyone calls him by his nickname. The next girl arrived and we thought well, we have two “A’s” and she might feel left out if we don’t use an”A” name so we did. We had kinduv picked a name and while still in the hospital wifey shared it with her sis. Sis proceeds to say it was a silly name and the wife having postpartum depression after all the kids births breaks down. We leave the hospital with “Baby Girl L” on the birth certificate. Thanks sis in law. We go through the “A” list again and decide on an “A” name and then the discussion is whether we name her the full “A” name or the nickname version. We picked the nickname version and now of course everyone calls her the full version. Sheesh this is hard. Well, we was done having kids or at least we thought so but 10 years later I get the call. It was kinduva shock to say the least but we finally wrapped our heads around it and settled down. We were sitting around the kitchen table at dinner when we broke it to the other kids. The kids would be 16, 14 and 10 when she would be born. They looked stunned and one by one got up and left the table without saying a word. It was a bit surreal. The baby was actually due on the soon to be 16 yr olds B’day. It worked out to be pretty cool because the oldest had her learners permit and she chauffeured the wife around town. We had a Sweet 16 party planned and she was not a happy camper that the wife was due any minute. The wife took her out shopping to calm her down. Amazing how that works, Huh? The little one was born exactly a week later. Oh crap we have to name this one too? “A” name or do we start with the “B’s” this time? Oh heck no she tells me we ain’t starting nothing, you are getting fixed. So it will be an “A”. It really weren’t that big of a deal to find a name prior to going to the hospital and making it clear with the sis in law that I didn’t want to hear one crack. Big sis was there to cut the cord and now she works in the birthing unit at the same hospital. Now the thing is when we holler for one of the kids you stumble down the list before getting to the one you want. All the big kids now work and are dating or starting college. Little A and I were home alone the other Saturday and we headed to Mickey D’s for breakfast. She informed me while we ate that she needed to get a boyfriend and a job. Lot’s of pressure for a 7 yr old.

Now Thats Rac'in

A friend of mine is President of the local ASNT Chapter. For their monthly meeting they scheduled a tour of The Joe Gibbs Racing Facility. He had extra tickets so I was invited to attend. I am a big NASCAR fan having lived near the heart of the racing Series all my life. I am also a machinist and a shadetree mechanic as well so I was excited to get to go. I was not disappointed. Inside the front door is a display area where they have the trophies and show cars from each team. Downstairs they have all the cars being prepped for the next race as well as the cars from last weeks race being evaluated. The prep room was wall to wall cars in various stages of assembly. Next stop was the machine shop. No cost spared there. The shop runs 22hrs a day. They machine 3200 different parts for the cars. We also visited the Dyno area where they test the rear ends and gearing. They have a table they set the car on that will simulate any track. I knew a lot went into preparing a car for race day but they have some amazing tools to get the job done. If you are interested and get the chance I would recommend it.

Kids Explain It All

> HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
> You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
> Alan, age 10
>
> No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
> Kirsten, age 10
>
> WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
>
> Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
> Camille, age 10
>
> No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
> Freddie, age 6
>
> HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
>
> You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
> Derrick, age 8
>
> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
>
> Both don't want any more kids.
> Lori, age 8
>
> WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
>
> Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
> Lynnette, age 8
>
> On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
> Martin, age 10
>
> WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
>
> I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
> Craig, age 9
>
> WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
>
> When they're rich.
> Pam, age 7
>
> The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
> Curt, age 7
>
> The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
> Howard, age 8
>
> IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
>
> I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm nevergoing to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
> Theodore, age 8
>
> It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
> Anita, age 9
>
> HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
>
> There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
> Kelvin, age 8
>
> HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
>
> Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
> Ricky, age 10

Kids Advice to Kids #1

Stuff I found on the Web
>
> Never trust a dog to watch your food.
> Patrick, age 10
>
> When your dad is mad and asks you,'Do I look stupid?' don't answer.
> Hannah, 9
>
> Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
> Michael, 14
>
> When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
> Taylia, 10
>
> Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.
> Andrew, 9
>
> Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
> Kyoyo, 9
>
> You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
> Armir, 9
>
> Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
> Kellie, 11
>
> If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
> Naomi, 15
>
> Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
> Lauren, 9
>
> Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
> Joel, 10
>
> When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
> Alyesha, 13
>
> Never try to baptize a cat.
> Eileen, 8

But It's a Machine

I went to the softball field with Little A Saturday. We did the sign in, name tagging and spoke with the coaches and reassured Little A that she would do fine. We chatted with some moms and dads explaining that no, we weren’t the grandparents. We did in fact go thru this same process three other times starting 16 yrs ago. But thats another story. The coach was telling the kids to line up for batting skills assessments. Then , THERE IT WAS!!! A beam of light came from the heavens spotlighting it and I think I heard the Ah Ah Ah of angels. The pitching machine!!! I am prolly going to lose a few of you here but machines are my thing like Jimmy Choo’s for other folks. It was simple compact and prolly cheap to make which does not necessarily mean it was cheap. Every since I was a kid I have been amazed by the intricacies’ of machines. I have been blessed in my working years to be immersed in all kinds of equipment from autos to cameras to Zamboni’s. Well not Zambonis but it started with a Z plus how hard could it be? We took the kids to the circus and had great seats up close. While the kids watched the show I was lost in the ceiling looking at the rigging, It was quite amazing you know, Oh?? You didn’t notice? Anywho, as I was looking at the pitching machine a thought popped in my mind…. I can build one of those for Little A. The wife knowing that was coming rolled her eyes. Time to fire up the welder.