Sunday, April 25, 2010

TMI or Just Yellow J’urinal’ism

Recently I was dealing with a kidney stone. After suffering all day I decided to go to the ER. They gave me some kinda cocktail that was amazing. I highly recommend it. A couple pain free days later I was sitting at home in my office minding my own business when I needed to relieve myself. I went to the toilet and was making bubbles in the blue water when the stream paused then started again and I thinks to myself, Self?? what the heck was that? It took a second to realize the stone had moved out of my bladder and making it way towards daylight. I was surprised because I really didn’t know if the stone had ever made it to the bladder. All of the sudden, at the worst possible time, the river of relief dried up. I still weren’t positive what was happening. It was a little painful so I felt around annnnd Ohhhhh crap, FOUND IT, that hurts, ALOT. I found the little porcupine. He was making the most of his exit. It was stranded halfway to the freefall point. I carefully stowed the injured and aching appendage and headed toward the fridge. The rescue mission was underway. As luck would have it I only had 1 beer so I chugged it pretty quickly. I then started downing glasses of water. I went to sit in my office to let the reservoir refill for the grand departure and ouch. I had to readjust the packaging. It seemed like forever but finally that special urge returned. I waddled to the bathroom with that super cool cup the Dr. gives you with a strainer in the bottom. I lined up just right so I could hit the toilet and have one knee braced against the wall ( I've heard Scary Stories). It is kinduva a trick to unstow without irritating the spiny critter and hold the cup and line everything up just right. I only got two hands. Well the big moment arrived. I let the dam go and yikes. You seen pictures where the cat has its claws dug in and it is ripping whatever it is clinging to. I was kinda like that for prolly a second but it seemed a lot longer. All the sudden it is out. Nasty little thing. I rinsed it off and measured it. 4mm average but was about 5mm across at the widest sharpest point. That’s not my first stone but it was definitely my least favorite.

6 comments:

My Aimless Infatuation said...

Glad it past,I have heard this is some painful sh#t. Hopefully this was your last go round with this problem. Have a great week Simply!

reasonably chubby said...

Dear Simply Suthern, I found your blog via Pearls. As a fellow "dang I sing good in the shower" southern person, I can tell we should be friends. :)

bunny said...

Glad it all worked out and in the john. Like I tell everyone...this years motto is "Better Living through Chemistry"...and I'm not even joking...

bunny

ps...not too bad on the TMI, but look who your askin'

Karen said...

I am a fellow suffer. There's your TMI for the day. Glad it's over.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Good heavens...yellow jurinalism. That was punny at its best! And, yikes. My friend passed a stone that was literally the size of a pea. She said she heard it clink in the potty and was shocked. Those pokey stones have got to hurt like crazy. Chug a lug that water man!

Pearl said...

You know, that was really very well told. I don't think I've ever laughed about a stone before.

It's no wonder it's your least favorite!

Pearl