Sunday, April 25, 2010
TMI or Just Yellow J’urinal’ism
Recently I was dealing with a kidney stone. After suffering all day I decided to go to the ER. They gave me some kinda cocktail that was amazing. I highly recommend it. A couple pain free days later I was sitting at home in my office minding my own business when I needed to relieve myself. I went to the toilet and was making bubbles in the blue water when the stream paused then started again and I thinks to myself, Self?? what the heck was that? It took a second to realize the stone had moved out of my bladder and making it way towards daylight. I was surprised because I really didn’t know if the stone had ever made it to the bladder. All of the sudden, at the worst possible time, the river of relief dried up. I still weren’t positive what was happening. It was a little painful so I felt around annnnd Ohhhhh crap, FOUND IT, that hurts, ALOT. I found the little porcupine. He was making the most of his exit. It was stranded halfway to the freefall point. I carefully stowed the injured and aching appendage and headed toward the fridge. The rescue mission was underway. As luck would have it I only had 1 beer so I chugged it pretty quickly. I then started downing glasses of water. I went to sit in my office to let the reservoir refill for the grand departure and ouch. I had to readjust the packaging. It seemed like forever but finally that special urge returned. I waddled to the bathroom with that super cool cup the Dr. gives you with a strainer in the bottom. I lined up just right so I could hit the toilet and have one knee braced against the wall ( I've heard Scary Stories). It is kinduva a trick to unstow without irritating the spiny critter and hold the cup and line everything up just right. I only got two hands. Well the big moment arrived. I let the dam go and yikes. You seen pictures where the cat has its claws dug in and it is ripping whatever it is clinging to. I was kinda like that for prolly a second but it seemed a lot longer. All the sudden it is out. Nasty little thing. I rinsed it off and measured it. 4mm average but was about 5mm across at the widest sharpest point. That’s not my first stone but it was definitely my least favorite.