Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

Hi guys.

I just want to thank all the folks thank make my day better.

Thanks for letting me be part of your lives as well.

Merry Christmas to you all. Have a safe Holiday.

Simply Suthern

Sunday, December 18, 2011

I'm Changing My Address

Shopping these days can be challenging. Especially if you go to stores where the "Sales Associates" appear to be trained in the art of never making eye contact or even acknowledging you are present even when you are three feet away.

Common View of a Walmart Associate.

How hard is it to get help at Walmart? Obviously it was more than this poor woman could take. She was there SIX hours before someone noticed her. If someone had just noticed this lady during her first hour she prolly would have left with the Easybake oven she came for, but no, they ignored her and drove her to this.

This has gotten me to thinking tho. Could I don a Walmart vest and pull my car in the lift bay and change my oil without anyone noticing. Or set up a microwave on and endcap and heat up a pizza and give samples away while filling my belly. Could I throw a Superbowl party back in the TV section? Orr... maybe just maybe I could move in. They have everthing you need to live. And all ya gotta do for them to leave you alone is try to make eye contact. Ma'am could you uh?? I didnt think so.

Then after a while you notice some of the staff never changes and realize there are 7 or 8 of you living there. So look for me in the pages of "People Of Walmart".

Monday, December 12, 2011

Gimmee Squirrels Any Day

When I got home from my last trip, the wife ask me what I thought had gotten into the Mums?

It took about 10 minutes before I caught a brave little squirrel.

Munching right in front of the Mighty Guard Dog.

However, at least we don't have to deal with this. And we thought we had problems.

I am sure the woodsy crowd gasped when it almost fell.

Success, Now what do I do with it?

Read the sign all the way to the bottom.

Nice Camping humor.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Maybe Basketball is Her Sport

I went to my niece's wedding this weekend. It was nice as weddings go. Weather was gorgeous, it wasn't too long and the food was good.

It was pretty much a cookie cutter wedding and it went smooth.

When it was time, they called all the unmarried girls down front for the bouquet toss.

Well my 9 yr old being of the unshy type jumped out front and snagged the first attempt.

Then she out jumped the much taller girls for the 2nd attempt and pulled it down too.

I had to pull her from the lineup to let some of the more eligible ladies have a chance.

Yea I know, she prolly shouldn't have been out there to start with but they encouraged her. Beware what you ask for.

I prolly oughta be worried when she gets older.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I Finally Made It

This spring I had to work in St Louis. It was a quickie in, work 15 hrs and I was on the plane home by 7:00 AM so I really never saw the light of day, nevertheless more than just a glimpse of the Arch.

Over the last 2 weeks I have been working out of town in Indianapolis and St Louis.

The work went really smooth and we were able to shave 2 full shifts off the job.

That allowed me to fly home on Wednesday. I woke up a bit early so I decided to swing by the Gateway Arch on the way to the airport.

It was totally different than I expected. It was in the middle of a Beautiful green park, no buildings or signs, just the Arch standing majestic in the middle overlooking the river.

I wish I would have had time to ride to the top and also watch the history video but I had to be at the airport by 11:00.

I did get to walk thru the underground museum built under the Arch. The entrance is subsurface and you have to go thru a metal detector to enter.

I will prolly be heading back next spring so I hope to take a ride to the top.

Have any of you ever been there?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Honeymoon And The Deliverance Gang

Today was my 29th wedding anniversary. To celebrate I thought I would do a repost.

Hope you enjoy.

As the wife and I were planning our wedding we were trying to decide on a honeymoon spot. I had just been laid off so the funds were slim. I was at my parent’s house one day and WT (my old boss/family friend) was there. He said we could use his cabin in Tennessee, free. Wow, that sounded good. I was a bit surprised because the last day I worked for him I hit him in the leg with a sledgehammer and ran the truck over some concrete forms.
We hit the hillbilly highway the day after the wedding. We drove 4 miles up the mountain on a dirt road over condemned bridges and thru the creek to get to the cabin. It really was a nice place. WT was there but packing to come home. He laid down the ropes. No food outside, Don’t walk around outside after dark, especially with food. Huh?? Bears. Ohhhh, thanks for the warning.

We moved in, got comfy and started planning our excursions for the week. The Worlds Fair was in Knoxville and since Y2K prolly messed up calendars looking back that far, it was 1982. Yea, way back. Gatlinburg was only 2 hours away so we decided to hit that first.

Our trip the next day to Gatlinburg was wet and foggy. It had stopped raining when we got to town so we saw the sights and had a sepia photo made in period clothing at the Old Timey Photo place. We shopped, ate and looked around till time to go. It was a bit foggy so we decided to stay the night in lieu of facing the fog for 2 hours. We found no rooms were available due to the World’s Fair but were pointed to the Chamber of Commerce for help. When we asked about a room his eyes lit up. “I got just the place. There are cabins up the mountain called Black Bear Lodge, I’ll call for ya”. As he cups his hand over the mouth piece he says “Hey, Bubba, I got two more for ya”. “He says he can come get ya cause your car won’t make it up the mountain”. Bells, whistles, and sirens go off in my head. I swear I seen this movie before and it didn’t turn out well. Can you say,” squeal like a pig!!”? I looked at the wife and I can tell she was hearing Dueling Banjos too so we politely declined, shuffled our feet toward the exit and about ran to the car.

We drove thru Pigeon Forge on the way back, only then Dolly hadn’t dreamed of Dollywood yet. As we pulled thru the creek and up to the cabin we noticed the lights were on upstairs. Problem was we haven’t been upstairs. I left wifey in the car with instructions to high tail it out if something happened. It wouldn’t do any good because she couldn’t drive a straight drive. I snuck into the house quiet as I could and reached into the cabinets to get my gun. What?? You didn’t take yours on your honeymoon? I’m from the south. No, I don’t know why I didn’t take it to Gatlinburg too. Get off my case. Anywho, I about broke plates getting it out quietly, sheesh. I start up the stairs looking like Barney Fife with a shaking gun. Squeak, squeak, squeak, each step sounding more and more familiar. When I made the turn at the top of the stairs it hit me. I was up here last night getting a quilt. Feeling braver now I looked around to be sure we were visitor free and made sure I turned the lights out. We went to bed a bit shaken and exhausted from the day’s events just to be awakened at 6:30 the next morn by a knock on the door by an extra from These Hills Have Eyes. Yea, I had my gun this time. Turns out it was a neighbor (closest house is a mile away) WT had asked to check on us. He wanted to make sure we were OK (Survived) and they had spotted a bear in the creek earlier this morn. Earlier?? It was only 6:30, what were they doing below the house before 6:30? I’m thinking WT is getting me back for the sledgehammer incident. While he was speaking I noticed concrete trucks going up the road. They were building a Chateau at the top of the mountain. When we went out later to pick up some groceries we looked back at the bridge. The condemned sign had been taken down. load limit problem solved I spose. Overall it was a nice if not memorable Honeymoon.

Monday, October 10, 2011

oh, OH, OH MY!!

We were working in the yard recently when the little one spied a big green lizard then spied a brown one. "The green one is pretty." Then I heard "Dad!! The Green one is eating the brown one".

Shore nuff that's what it looked like.

"Dad, Are you going to save the little brown one?"

No Honey, I don't think the big one wants to hurt the little one.

Good grief guys get a room!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Here are a few pics I shot with my cell phone as I traveled the highways and byways.

Offensive? Ya Think?

I know this person and they had no idea when she ordered the plate. It is her name shortened.

For some reason I thought Mickey and Minnie would have driven a bit nicer car.

It is actually a girl with a couple of nice buns, on her head.

You would think there were enuff distractions on the road to have a video screen built into the radio.

These three adult men were watching Yo Gabba Gabba as they drove down the road.

I took this for a friend when I visited Joe Gibbs Racing for a machinery show a couple weeks back.

You know who you are.

There is no doubt which way guy this person leans.

Maybe I'm reading this one wrong or I suppose they just want everyone too know.

There are some really different/interesting thoughts out there.
I miss alot because I cant get the phone out quick enuff.
Seen any interesting plates?

Friday, September 30, 2011

Proud Dad

This is going to be really short as I have no pics to go with it.

I got home yesterday to find my 9 yr old with really short hair. She has been growing it out for a while now for "Locks of Love". Yesterday she donated 10 1/2 inches of pretty brown hair.

I wish I had pics because that much really makes a difference. I like the new look.

Not sure if she actually looks older or if I am just looking at her differently now but it does make a daddy proud.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Outside My Window

WARNING: Nature Stuff Below.

Looking out the front window at the house I found this.

We call them writing spiders. Legend has it if you show them your teeth they will write your name and you will die. Cheery eh?

They don't have the best handwriting.

Well this guy must not have heard the legend. I spose pinchers count as teeth.

Moral of the story: It pays to listen.

I didn't hear about this part of the legend.

My lips are sealed.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Overheard In The Restaurant

My youngest turned nine Friday. We took her and a friend bowling and then to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. As we were waiting for our meal she was explaining to her friend her family tree.

"I'm part Irish, German, Country and Cherokee."

Not to be out done her friend replied, "I am part Italian, Country and just became part Irish because my aunt just married an Irish guy."

So using that line of thought: I am part Hillbilly and used to be part African American till My Sis got a divorce then she remarried and now I am also part Yankee.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

She Survived and is Highly Annoyed

I spoke to College girl right before the storm. My last words were to keep us up to date. I think she took that as either "I wish they would leave me alone" Or "They will know I'm alive when I call next week for money".

Yesterday morn I was online watching the storm and checking the local weather stations for wind speeds and the Progress Energy power outage maps to see how her area fared. The winds were down but as expected there were lots of power outages.

We had no news so the wife finally texted her and we got a reply of "I'm fiiiinnne".

Later she called to say the stoplights were out but her apartment still had power. "See, I didnt need to come home" From now on she is going to be one of those that doesnt leave because she survived Irene.

In other touching survival news My oldest daughter's friend posted this on Facebook.

The old American resolve lies on.

I hope everyone else survived the storm unscathed.

Friday, August 26, 2011

I Cant hear you, Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah

So you raise them the best you can. You try to teach them to make good decisions. Then they go away to college. I think last years Freshman focus taught them that parents are stupid. Ok, maybe thats just natural.

My daughter goes to college on the coast of NC.

Me, You coming home?

Her, Why?

Me, Theres a hurricane coming.

Her, Yeah?

Me, It's big.

Her, Yeah?

Me, You need to come home.

Her, Why?

Me, Cause I dont want your car getting flooded.

Her, We are parking it in the parking deck and we are going to ride it out in my apartment on the 3rd floor.

Me, You need to come home.

Her, Why?

Me, I give up. Stay inside and in touch.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Overheard on the Airplane

Back in May I was on the way home from Denver and had a layover in Houston. The flight was delayed a couple hours due to storms in the area.

After waiting we finally boarded the plane. I was sitting in the 2nd row of a too small plane when the crew started the departure speeches. Suddenly the Pilot came out of the cabin reopened the hatch and started berating the ground crew.

"Why didnt you put fuel in my dang plane?" Well maybe he didnt exactly say "dang".

Good Catch there Mr. Pilot.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Rat Wars or Hey Ya'll Watch This

Life has kept me kinda busy lately so my posting has been a bit sparse. I have also been using up my creative juices on a couple designs at work so I kinda strained my brain.

That said, I am reposting one of my older post from the days before I had many followers. Which wasnt very long ago.

Hope you enjoy.

Years ago I went out to feed the dog in her pen. When I opened the gate I saw a tail sticking out from under her food bowl. I flipped it over and there was a king snake coiled up under it. It shot out and crawled under the dog house. Being a fan of snakes I flipped the house over to try and catch it. When I did I saw a huge hole under the dog house with a big rat head sticking out of it. It had gnawed a hole through a drain line and was using it as a subway between the field, where the washing machine drain dumped, and the dog food bowl. I forgot all about the snake and ran into the house to get my pistol. Things went downhill from there. The rat ran down the drain line but I was there at the end when he got there and I popped a couple rounds at him. I assumed I missed because he ran back up the pipe. I saw him run by the hole under the dog house and he was heading to the washer inside. I hollered for the wife to fill the washer and then drain it. I’m sitting there waiting for a gush of water when she walks out. I ask what was going on and she informs me she just started a load. Good grief. I grabbed the flexible pipe and pulled about 4 feet out of the ground. I had her fetch the garden hose and I started filling the drain pipe up with water. After about 10 minutes water started flowing from the drain pipe and a minute after that the rat came out, Splat on the ground. The wife ran to the house, I backed out of the pen and it followed me and then took off across the yard. I took my best marksman ( I ain’t) stance and proceeded to empty the clip as it ran across the yard. It stopped in the ditch and I ran down to see if it was dead. I nudged it with my foot and it let out a scream and lunged and grabbed the inseam of my jeans about the knee. Thank goodness my clip was empty or I would have prolly shot myself in the leg. I am standing/hopping on one leg, shaking the other in the finest Hokey Pokey dance you ever saw trying to shake the rat off. That sucker was not about to let go. I finally hit it with my gun and knocked it off. It lay in the ditch and I was not about to poke it with my foot again so I ran back to the garage to get my shovel. When I got back it appeared to be dead. I whacked it for good measure to make sure. I started up to the house with it when I saw the wife in the window about to fall over laughing. I tried to tell her about it but the adrenaline was still flowing pretty good and I could barely speak but she saw it all and was already on the phone to her sis. I had won the war but lost my dignity.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Overheard At The Resturant

Man and his son sitting in a booth at a local greasy spoon.

Man watches a lady walking by.

Man says, "Son, now theres a woman that can pull a plow".

I'm pretty sure she would be flattered, don't you?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Simply Updates

My last post was my 100th post. Amazing to me that I reached that milepost. It was going to be Grand. But instead The Oldest had the accident and everything else took a back seat. Who am I fooling. It was going to be like all the others.

I want to thank all you guys for your kind and supportive words. Is nice to have those when things get a bit stressed.

I also want to give a bit of an update.

The wreck was on a Tuesday as she was heading to work. She is a surgical technician in the womens unit mostly assisting in C-Sections. She missed that nites shift and took off Wednesday and Thursday as well due to soreness. She spent the weekend with us before returning to her apartment Sunday nite. She went to work Monday only to struggle with her left hand trying to retract and other things. After the same issues Tuesday and having the Dr. get ticked at her she went to the Orthopedist.

Turns out she had torn the ligament that closes the thumb. She is now in a cast for 4 weeks and is out of work. After the 4 weeks they will determine if she needs surgery. Hopefully not because she is about to burn through her PTO and I think she is tired of other folks having to cut her food up.

Her spirit has picked up a bit as she bought a new car last Thursday. She found a red 2009 Corolla with 15000 miles on it. It had an IPod jack and a sliding sunroof. Seems that was the important stuff. Oh it had 4 wheels too! I am happy because it doesnt have quite the peppy engine the other had. The girl has a lead foot and knows how to use it.

It was hard to get her to look at cars. She liked her old car and it was almost paid off. She also went to a couple dealerships where she felt attacked. She called me in tears so I paid them a visit. Needless to say we didnt buy the car there.

Again, Thank you guys for the support and thanks for stopping in.

OH! BTW today is my Birthday. And NO! We cant use the 100 candle cake for that too. LOL

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Bye Bye Baby

You dread the call. I've gotten it a couple times before but you are never really ready. "Daddy, I've been in a wreck, can you come quick?"

I got that call yesterday as I was returning from lunch. Thankfully the wife had already called and I was well on my way to the accident site speeding along, only hitting the high spots in the road. She assured me she was OK, I told her I would be there as soon as I could. She was sitting in the back of the ambulance with the Paramedic with ice on her wrist when I arrived. Tears let loose as soon as she saw me. "Daddy my car is torn up".

We took her to the hospital. She had X-rays and an exam. She has airbag burns on her arms, seat belt burns on her neck and sore hands and knees. She is fine but will be sore for a couple days. We do not know about the guy that pulled in front of her. She T-boned him and sent him down a small embankment into the woods. They carried him downtown in and ambulance but I dont think they were running the sirens. Hopefully he will be OK.

This is my Baby's Baby. It gave up its all and airbag to protect my oldest. Thank you Mazda/Volvo.

Thank you folks that stopped. Two nurses and Lucy Ricardo stopped to help along with witnesses that said he just pulled in front of her. It was a 55 zone but she was slowing due to an approaching light. The impact was about 50 mph. Lucy showed up first asking if she was OK. My daughter stated she thought she was ok but was having trouble breathing due to the (Immediately Lucy starts screaming "She Cant Breathe, Come help she says she cant Breathe!!") air bag smoke. My daughter said that made her laugh. The nurses then showed up and things calmed down a bit.

Thank you Officers, Firemen and Paramedics for your swift arrival and caring service. They had to pry her door open and deal with heavy traffic in 95 degree heat.

Thank you Police department for only charging me $2 for the accident report. Grrr.

Thank you Mr. Paper truck man for going slow enough I could pass you. Please dont call the cops.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A New Nickname Is Born

When you work with a bunch of guys in the field you have to be careful what you say. They love to take something and run with it.

I was on day shift in St Louis and was telling the other two techs about my flight and getting a face full of stewardess hip. Then one of the other techs told how he sat in the aisle seat and had a male passenger straddle his shoulder as they loaded the plane. In his deep Tennessee draw he told in great detail how the guy "parked his junk on my shoulder in my face". He said he poked him in his gut and told him to git his ____sack off him. He got all spun up and his voice cracked a bit as he said he thinks the guy knew what he was doing. We couldn't help laughing as he told his story in his most serious face.

The other tech instantly dubbed him "Sacks". He'll answer to it, but it aint nicely.

I was fortunate I think, In the field I got stuck with "J Lo"

Any of y'all got nicknames?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Just a Pic

A couple weeks ago I headed out to Denver to pick up an award.

One of y'all ask for a pic so here it is after a bit of touching up.

It was hard to take a good pic of glass.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Beer, Chicken Wings and Flyovers

This is a repost of last years race but as with most things redneck not much changes in a year, not even the water in the Portapottys.

The BIG Race is in town this week. Welcome to all Ya'll visitors. In your honor we have rolled out the best of everything.

Main Entrance

I know Memorial Day wasn't created just for rac'in but dont tell Bruton Smith.

Souvenirs Galore!! I recommend Jeff Gordon Stuff.

I went to the race and all I got was this big checkered flag tattoo on my arse!!

Great Places to Camp. The price actually dropped mid week from $25 to $10 for Parking and $50 to $25 for Camping. No mention if that comes with a picnic table dance or if you can use the inside facilities. EWWWW!!

Games galore!!

Great Food!!

Have Fun, See ya next year!!

Hope y'all have a wonderful Memorial Day

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Have Nothing To Say

Well actually I do but for some reason Blogger will not let me leave comments. I can log in and see the new posts in my dashboard but when I try to leave a comment it says I need to login. I tried but to no avail.

Is anyone else having this issue?

Help Me Please!!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Vaguely Inappropriate?

What's there to say about these.

Hundreds of uses? Really?? How many of those would land you in prison or on the registered offender list.

I would hesitate to ask him to pass any tools over.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Speaking of Odd

I have yet to actually see a squirrel wearing these so I aint sure how big they are on clothing but my guess is they prefer going commando. And when it comes to hiding their nuts they seem to prefer my flower beds.

Also style wise they may prefer a boxer or at least a low rise brief. I havent seen the female line of undergarments yet but I would suppose that an 8 cup bra would be a a bit wieldy.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Seen In The Airport

I found these in a Denver airport giftshop.

If you look close they look like 2 showercaps for the ears. While they might make a really nice gift is this really a problem?

Just curious.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


"The problem with quotes on the internet is you never know which ones are true." -Abraham Lincoln

Seen on ESPN

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Time to Eat Crow

I like my crow warm, fried if possible, so here it is.

A while back I whined about being nominated for an award only to be told they may decide not to give it out this year. I said it then and I stand by it now, I would understand it completely. My beef was the way it was presented to me but after y'alls kind words and thinking about it I realized I should have just been thankful for the recognition.

I do really appreciate you guys.

Fast forward to today. I booked my tickets and room for next week. Seems I am getting the award after all. Kinda embarassing now.

Problem is I have to go to a meeting in Denver to get it. Standing in front of folks, especially boss men, aint my thing. I couldnt talk them into sending it here.

I guess ya just cant make me happy. LOL

Monday, April 25, 2011

Overheard At The Restaurant

Well technically it aint a restaurant. I found this little trailer serving mexican fare on Main Street which is actually a back street in this old town.

It is only at this site on Thrusday and Fridays. The menu is simple and the food is amazing. Nothing Americanized about their Tacos and Sopes.

I was there last week picking up an order of Tres Tacos with carne asada when a car drove by with a bunch of kids in it hollaring, "F... You, F... you". Classy, guys. I was so embarassed and a little nervous as the main clientele is hispanic workers. I didnt know what to say but the folks there pretty much ignored it. Seems they get that a lot but it was new to me so I apologized for them. Kinda stupid as it wernt me doing it but I was at a loss of what to do.

Now I pretty intolerant of illegals. I am against them being here. However if you are here legally and willing to work, more power to ya. They should'nt have to put up with that crap.

And to you guys in the little white Honda. Grow a pair, next time stop and get out before you start running your mouth or even better, try growing up.

Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm Back!!!

It is good to be home. It is amazing what a good night’s rest does to ones perspective. I started my post trip posting last night and wow it was so gloomy. Today as I have discussed my trip with folks in the office it sounds like a totally different trip. So I rewrote it.

I set my machine up, removed the sample in time for the tech to install the new bore plug and I was back in the room by midnight. No Biggie!! But this was a trip of highs and lows. As I mentioned last post the trip out weren’t that great, but Tuesday dinner was good and it was great to spend some relaxed time with the guys.

Sure, the cut took a long time and we had to replace the drive shaft 4 times. My heart stopped beating every time it made a weird sound but in the long run I got the sample we needed.

The Turbine, About 24 ft long.

The Sampler

We made it work on the worst case possible bore size, 12 feet up inside a 3 inch hole.

The Hole

What I dreaded happened but due to some creative planning inspired by the tech working with me we got it done and now I have that nice feeling of accomplishment. I’d dance but that aint pretty.

Thursday morn when we flew out, the tech, which travels A LOT, hooked me up with a first class upgrade.

Turns out to have been a great trip plus on the drive into the jobsite I did see the famous Arch off in the distance.

NO!!! not that one.

This one!!

Thank goodness for that good night’s sleep.