Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Rat Wars or Hey Ya'll Watch This

Life has kept me kinda busy lately so my posting has been a bit sparse. I have also been using up my creative juices on a couple designs at work so I kinda strained my brain.

That said, I am reposting one of my older post from the days before I had many followers. Which wasnt very long ago.

Hope you enjoy.

Years ago I went out to feed the dog in her pen. When I opened the gate I saw a tail sticking out from under her food bowl. I flipped it over and there was a king snake coiled up under it. It shot out and crawled under the dog house. Being a fan of snakes I flipped the house over to try and catch it. When I did I saw a huge hole under the dog house with a big rat head sticking out of it. It had gnawed a hole through a drain line and was using it as a subway between the field, where the washing machine drain dumped, and the dog food bowl. I forgot all about the snake and ran into the house to get my pistol. Things went downhill from there. The rat ran down the drain line but I was there at the end when he got there and I popped a couple rounds at him. I assumed I missed because he ran back up the pipe. I saw him run by the hole under the dog house and he was heading to the washer inside. I hollered for the wife to fill the washer and then drain it. I’m sitting there waiting for a gush of water when she walks out. I ask what was going on and she informs me she just started a load. Good grief. I grabbed the flexible pipe and pulled about 4 feet out of the ground. I had her fetch the garden hose and I started filling the drain pipe up with water. After about 10 minutes water started flowing from the drain pipe and a minute after that the rat came out, Splat on the ground. The wife ran to the house, I backed out of the pen and it followed me and then took off across the yard. I took my best marksman ( I ain’t) stance and proceeded to empty the clip as it ran across the yard. It stopped in the ditch and I ran down to see if it was dead. I nudged it with my foot and it let out a scream and lunged and grabbed the inseam of my jeans about the knee. Thank goodness my clip was empty or I would have prolly shot myself in the leg. I am standing/hopping on one leg, shaking the other in the finest Hokey Pokey dance you ever saw trying to shake the rat off. That sucker was not about to let go. I finally hit it with my gun and knocked it off. It lay in the ditch and I was not about to poke it with my foot again so I ran back to the garage to get my shovel. When I got back it appeared to be dead. I whacked it for good measure to make sure. I started up to the house with it when I saw the wife in the window about to fall over laughing. I tried to tell her about it but the adrenaline was still flowing pretty good and I could barely speak but she saw it all and was already on the phone to her sis. I had won the war but lost my dignity.

12 comments:

ipenka said...

LOL. Still funny the second time around! Good thing the clip was empty, you would never live down shooting yourself in the foot.

I bet the rat colony has a folktale "The legend of the man-monster with his ferocious one footed war dance"

Julianna said...

Dignity is totally overrated....
getting the rat-bastard was totally worth it. :)

In our house that would have been the snake. After of course, Almost Hubs had climbed down from the tree and stopped screaming like a girl. :)

Val said...

Haha. You are pure comedy. :-)

bunny said...

Yeah, I totally would have shot myself in the leg..lol Rats are ok with me...use to own one as a kid, but frogs....don't get me started.

bunny

jLow said...

omg . . . I just wet myself a little

Crystal Pistol said...

Funny! I hate rats and snakes!

Dignity is overrated. I'd rather have a good story to tell. And you, my friend, have a good story to tell that you tell well!

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

Oh.My.Gosh. I have tears running down my face i'm laughin so hard. had to put my hand over my mouth so i would not wake michael up! That was hilarious!!

Pearl said...

AAAAARGH!!!! :-) I musta missed this the first time around, so please! Feel free to re-post any time you like!

Good story!

Pearl

Donna said...

this is hysterical!! what can't be fixed with a gun?
btw my blog today is for you...

Not So Simply Single said...

I wish you would bring that gun to my house and kill the rat in my backyard....

Yikes...

Lucky for me we don't have snakes in Maui...UGH!

Lisa

Karen said...

How I wish I could've seen that! Thanks so much for the giggle!

Chicken said...

I had a good laugh at your expense. Sorry! But what about the snake? Did you find it?