Monday, March 15, 2010

Rat Wars or Hey Ya'll Watch This

Years ago I went out to feed the dog in her pen. When I opened the gate I saw a tail sticking out from under her food bowl. I flipped it over and there was a king snake coiled up under it. It shot out and crawled under the dog house. Being a fan of snakes I flipped the house over to try and catch it. When I did I saw a huge hole under the dog house with a big rat head sticking out of it. It had gnawed a hole through a drain line and was using it as a subway between the field, where the washing machine drain dumped, and the dog food bowl. I forgot all about the snake and ran into the house to get my pistol. Things went downhill from there. The rat ran down the drain line but I was there at the end when he got there and I popped a couple rounds at him. I assumed I missed because he ran back up the pipe. I saw him run by the hole under the dog house and he was heading to the washer inside. I hollered for the wife to fill the washer and then drain it. I’m sitting there waiting for a gush of water when she walks out. I ask what was going on and she informs me she just started a load. Good grief. I grabbed the flexible pipe and pulled about 4 feet out of the ground. I had her fetch the garden hose and I started filling the drain pipe up with water. After about 10 minutes water started flowing from the drain pipe and a minute after that the rat came out, Splat on the ground. The wife ran to the house, I backed out of the pen and it followed me and then took off across the yard. I took my best marksman ( I ain’t) stance and proceeded to empty the clip as it ran across the yard. It stopped in the ditch and I ran down to see if it was dead. I nudged it with my foot and it let out a scream and lunged and grabbed the inseam of my jeans about the knee. Thank goodness my clip was empty or I would have prolly shot myself in the leg. I am standing/hopping on one leg, shaking the other in the finest Hokey Pokey dance you ever saw trying to shake the rat off. That sucker was not about to let go. I finally hit it with my gun and knocked it off. It lay in the ditch and I was not about to poke it with my foot again so I ran back to the garage to get my shovel. When I got back it appeared to be dead. I whacked it for good measure to make sure. I started up to the house with it when I saw the wife in the window about to fall over laughing. I tried to tell her about it but the adrenaline was still flowing pretty good and I could barely speak but she saw it all and was already on the phone to her sis. I had won the war but lost my dignity.


JennyMac said...

I am standing/hopping on one leg, shaking the other in the finest Hokey Pokey dance you ever saw trying to shake the rat off.

Love this story and can completely picture this!!! Thankfully, you did not shoot yourself. lol.

My Aimless Infatuation said...

Are you sure we aren't related? This sounds mighty familiar,lol. Thanks for the memories of rat wars over the years.

KaLynn said...

OH..MY..GOSH!! That was hilarious!! Almost fell out of my chair laughing!!

Can't remember how I found you but I'm glad I did!