Sunday, February 19, 2012

Alright Jerry Springer, Where are you???

Forgive me because as most of you know I don’t get real personal on here. I usually try to stay pretty light but this is going to be one of those therapeutic blogs where I just have to unload. Please forgive my writing style as I wrote this kinda quick.

Things have been tough on the in-law home front as of late.

In the past:

Mom in law: We have always gotten along. She constantly tells folks I am the best son in law ever. She had her quirks but things were pretty good.

Bro in law: I have known him longer than my wife. We used to bowl and drink and hunt and fish together . He still lives at home with mom.

MIL has kinda gone off the deep end. She has had medical issues. And is spose to be on meds. Instead she lies about taking her meds and calls us constantly about issues that would not be had she taken her meds. A man called a few months past saying he had found her uptown lost and crying. When we got there she threatened to run over me and bumped my leg with her bumper a couple times to prove the point. I kinda put that back in my mind as she was stressed. A couple weeks back she asked me to get her car inspected. When I didn’t get it home fast enough she threatened to call the cops. Since then I have had little contact with her which is difficult as she lives just around the corner. Recently she has had surgery and she does not respond well to pain meds nor Ambein as she goes into a weird psychosis. She has also started not to take no for an answer which has caused problems with my family.

BIL has a bad heart and diabetes. He smokes heavily also has the worst diet of anyone I know. Dr Pepper and Burger King, every meal. Only one male in his family has survived the first heart attack. He should be thankful. Sunday before last he was at work and had some chest pain. He drove himself to the hospital where they checked him out. When they checked his blood sugar it was 469. Yea 469. After stabilizing him they transported him the main hospital downtown to get a heart cath. They determined he needed a triple bypass. Tuesday morn at 1:30 AM my phone rings. “COME GET ME OUT OF HERE”. The wife tells him to calm down and get some rest. 5:30 comes around and the phone rings. Come get me. He had caused such a stink they escorted him out. So I went to get him.

Sis in law: everyone should have a sis in law like her. Exceedingly kind generous and smart. She was to fly into town for his surgery. She called to say if he weren’t having the surgery she wasn’t coming to town.

Thursday BIL has chest pains and MIL called to say she was taking him to the ER. He is admitted at the other Hospital. He is checked, admitted and they start prepping him for surgery on Monday. Sunday night they did a scan and determined his carotid arteries were too clogged to do the bypass so the scheduled him for the carotid surgery.

SIL flies in and stays with MIL. The war begins. MIL starts trashing everyone that hasn’t visited BIL prior to surgery telling them if they don’t come prior don’t bother coming at all. BIL has his surgery Thursday. There were some complications stitching his arteries due to his smoking so he is in ICU till Saturday.

In the meantime they tried to get her to come home to rest. She sees it as abandoning him and refuses to leave till she is exhausted. She finally comes home. She is home 1 hr when he starts calling demanding everyone go back to the hospital. They eventually go back and she stayed at home to rest. SIL is driving MIL car since she doesn’t have one. MIL wants I back, NOW. She threatens to call the cops on her. They come home and things escalate and she throws SIL out. SIL is staying with us.

Sunday BIL calls wanting clothes. He is leaving. Since he and MIL have alienated everyone else I go up to talk to him. Within a few minutes MIL shows up and he starts his I’m leaving thing again and gets out of bed and when she blocks the door he threatens to deck her. He later walks out the door and something happened out of eyesight with a hospital employee. Charges may stem from that yet. He was brought back to his room by security. Much talking was done to keep him there. I refused to take him home. The hospital was going to put him in a cab. His mom said he could not come home to her house. She said maybe he could come to my house since I take in strays. Finally he had pushed it too far. To save the hospital anymore headaches I finally agreed to take him home and she said she would let him in. He talked on the way home like nothing had happened. I aint lost my mind yet and will not forget this.

His complaint was no one was being reasonable.

The other SIL called and said MIL is claiming she brought him home and they stopped on the way home for dinner. HUH??

MIL called a bit ago and was wondering why SIL is not staying at her house. She does not recall throwing her out yesterday and claims she would never do that.

His and MIL actions have been tearing my household apart for the past 2 weeks. In our frustration we have been talking about it aloud and the little one broke down in tears. We gotta watch what we say around her.

Time has come to end this crap.

I left a lot of stuff out but this is the gist of it. It is crazy.

Thanks for listening.


bunny said...

OK...where do I start?

1. Sounds like MIL is beginning signs of dementia...

2. You BIL and MIL are co dependent on each other and there is NOTHING
you can do about it.If he's as old as I think he is and still living there....they are used to this little dance they do together.

3. He is NOT your and your wifes responsibility.

4. I know it's your wifes family but do what you both can....and that's it...doesn't sound like you can "fix" it.

5. And more importantly....Explain to your daughter as simply as you can so that she can understand and focus on YOUR family right now.

I'm sure there is much more to this but it's a start....

Go ahead and vent and talk about it...seriously, it helps.


Crystal Pistol said...

Great advice from Bunny. I agree with what she had said. I will add that "This too shall pass".

I have had soooo many dramatic instances occur in my family with my own mother and also in my husband's family. Real Jerry Springer call the cops type stuff. It is stressful abd embarrassing to say the least. What I have learned is that I need prayer to help me have patience. And more prayer still to help me forgive the crazies that lash out and hurt me because THEY are unstable.

As for your little one, of course she is upset. But talking calmly realy does help. it's omportant for her to know there is love in your family and that when we love each other we con sometimes get upset out of concern. Tell her everything will be okay. It will.

joanne said...

wow, I'm so sorry. This is just too much of a mess for anyone to have to deal with. Please listen to Bunny...I don't think I could have said it any better than she did. You take care of you and your family...period.

Julianna said...

Not to be repetitive but Bunny nailed it.

Go home and hug your wife. Kiss your kids and do something fun with them. For a few hours, don't answer the phone. As hard as it is, reconnect with YOUR family unit.... at the end of the day, BIL is not your responsibility and MIL needs help that it seems she can't get living alone.

HUG your wife. It will make you both feel better. Honest.

Diane said...

Whew! I don't have much to add to what the previous commenters said.

Hope things settle down soon. We all have drama in our families from time to time. Lord, I could write a book about mine!

Señorita Andalucíana said...

WOW! That's been one heck of a week! I hope everything settles down soon and all this drama goes away. I'm with Bunny. Just know that you are a great example for your family and pray for patience. Besides I am sure that your wife appreciates everything you are trying to do for her family. Good luck!

jLow said...

Dealt with the same exact crap from my MIL and SIL. My husband finally told them both that he was done with it. It was starting to negatively affect OUR home. We see the MIL a couple of times a year and talk to her once a week. The SIL was told to stay away from us and our home. If the MIL chooses to continue to let the SIL mentally and financially abuse her, there is nothing we can do about it.

jLow said...

and ditto what Julianna said.

Jolene said...

Goodness, no wonder your teeth are on edge. Family dynamics can be exactly that – dynamic. And being stuck in the middle sucks.
Since you can't change them, the only other option is to help if needed without intervening in their disputes, since that will only add fuel to the fire. Things will smooth out eventually (hopefully sooner than later).

Thanks for sharing.
Hugs to you and your little girl.

ipenka said...

Wow, sorry to hear bout all that is going on. Hope you get a breather soon and that everything works out.

Its rough seeing someone you love change in that way (referring to MIL). Hold on to the good memories.

Simply Suthern said...

I ppreciate all you guys support. Is nice to be able to vent here.

Val said...

Agree 100% with Bunny.
Sooo sorry you have to deal with it all. I think everyone has been there.

And sharing it on here is great therapy. :-)

Prayers from Cali...

Not So Simply Single said...

Oh, the hell you have been going thru. I am sorry my friend.

Chat with me online soon, and catch me up in person.


So. Cal. Gal said...

Sorry I'm late...

I agree with Bunny. Sounds like Dementia is starting to creep up on MIL. Especially if she threw SIL out and doesn't remember it.

Everyone has family issues. We're going through a bit of crap ourselves. I feel for ya!

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

Totally agree with Bunny! My mother has dementia and your MIL sounds like her! My mom is in the hospital right now and is physically fighting the staff because they have gotten her off her medicine routine.

You cannot fix BIL, all of this is his choice. And you have to live with that choice. He sounds like he really doesn't want to get better and you cannot make him.

I am sorry for your wife and you and daughter. So sorry. Again. you are in my prayers!